As some know I have Depression. I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had any disease other than a mental illness. Some days I feel like the opposite of the addict that is just trying to feel numb; I just want to feel something, anything really. I can never bring myself to physically harm myself; at the same time I don't take a lot of caution to prevent it either. I've been lucky so far in my 31 years that I haven't done something that has killed me or left me physically disabled. Sure I got drunk every chance I got and I've rode around in cars with my friends who probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel. I even let my curiosity get the better of me and let some one do something to me that they should have done. I still do not blame myself for what happened because I was a child and they were an adult and therefore should have known better, but that's a different story. "Normal" people think that it is easy to be happy and to feel things, but they don't know what it feels like to see the obstacle in front of you and know there's a way around it but not be able to see it. They don't know what the difference is between outgrowing something they love and just losing interest in it for no apparent reason. They don't realize what it's like to know there is good in the world and know that they are loved but still not be able to feel better. I am on medication for my depression but I can tell that it's time to change it because I still want to sleep all day, which a couple months ago was a normal thing for me because of the dark skies and dreary weather but I shouldn't still feel like wanting to do that. Maybe my body has built up a resistance to the medication I'm on now, I mean I have been taking it for around 16 years now. I wish the answer was as simple as just change your view on your life and the world and everything will get better but it's not. It's difficult to live with depression and hard to live with some one who has depression because even know I don't think I've really given a clear view of what it's like. I hope maybe I've made it a little clearer to some. One more thing one of the worse things you can do if you know some one who takes any mood altering medication is to ask them if they've been taking it when you see they are having a bad day. Instead ask if they're okay or if there is anything you can do to help and just let them know you're there if they need or want to talk about it.